#1. Lingo.
Posted by Austen on Monday, January 29, 2007 at 9:04 PM
Please do not use Starbucks' lingo. Many different coffeehouses, who aren't owned by Starbucks, do not use Starbucks' lingo. They aren't Starbucks, so don't expect them to understand what you say.
Multiple coffeehouses usually have the non-metric measurements for their drinks, such as Small, Medium and Large - which are 12, 16, and 20 ounces for those who don't know. If you decide to dick around and use the Starbucks' slang for those sizes - which are Short (8 oz.), Tall (12 oz.), Grande (16 oz.), and Venti (20 oz.) - I swear to God, I have to resist slamming your face against the coffee brewer.
And let's face it, you sound like a jackass every time you say it too.
Many people don't know where the names for the cup sizes originated. Well, let me shed some light.
History Lesson #1:
When I spent my days in coffee land, I had to deal with people who refuse to use the proper names. Y'see, I didn't work at Starbucks, but that didn't stop them from sticking with their already determined mind-set of what they believed to be the correct lingo. It wasn't.
Thing was, if they wanted to order a Venti Latter, I would then suggest that they saunter on over to the nearest Starbucks and shove a stick up their ass. And if you're curious where you can find the nearest Starbucks, so you can too shove a stick up your ass (if you say the wrong things), there's probably five within a two-mile radius.
Now, many people don't see a problem with using the incorrect names, but let me tell you this, it does get annoying, fast. I correct many of whom who use the lingo by saying "Small, Medium or Large?" hoping that it will sink in and dawn upon them that we are not Starbucks. There is a regular customer, "Donald Douche" as I call him, who does not understand that we are not Starbucks and thusly we do not have those sizes.
Quite some time ago, there were a few bitchy ladies that entered the store. They were rude, ugly, and complained that our coffeehouse was not a Starbucks yet, solely because we were owned by Starbucks.
Let's set the record straight. Starbucks will more than likely never switch most of the coffeehouses they've purchases, because Starbucks is economically wise. They are a monopoly. [1] They want to earn as much capital as possible. They maximized their profits by purchasing Seattle's Best, and multiple coffeehouses, and they plan on keeping those cafes the same. By removing the hundreds of cafes they've purchased, they will lose the valued customers who enjoy the different quality and taste that is not Starbucks. Some people hate Starbucks' taste, some love it.
Either way, I still don't give a shit, I don't drink coffee.
- - - - - - - - - -
1. In Economic terminology, this is not true. There are plenty of small coffee houses across the world. I chose to say that Starbucks is a monopoly because if you look around and try to find large coffee houses, you rarely see many. Starbucks is huge, let's put it as that.
Multiple coffeehouses usually have the non-metric measurements for their drinks, such as Small, Medium and Large - which are 12, 16, and 20 ounces for those who don't know. If you decide to dick around and use the Starbucks' slang for those sizes - which are Short (8 oz.), Tall (12 oz.), Grande (16 oz.), and Venti (20 oz.) - I swear to God, I have to resist slamming your face against the coffee brewer.
And let's face it, you sound like a jackass every time you say it too.
Many people don't know where the names for the cup sizes originated. Well, let me shed some light.
History Lesson #1:
Starbucks [named after the first mate in Moby Dick] started out when three friends, Jerry Baldwin, Zev Siegel (whom I've had the pleasure of meeting), and Gordon Bowker decided to open a coffeehouse, right in downtown Seattle. Before becoming the coffee conglomerate the company is now, Starbucks originally started with two sizes: Short and Tall.
Seattle loved the coffee so much, they wanted more. So, when the demand for coffee increased, Starbucks rose to the occasion, throwing in the new and improved cup size, Grande. Then, once again, people craved for more, and Starbucks, once again, created a larger size: Venti, which is Italian for twenty.
Thing was, if they wanted to order a Venti Latter, I would then suggest that they saunter on over to the nearest Starbucks and shove a stick up their ass. And if you're curious where you can find the nearest Starbucks, so you can too shove a stick up your ass (if you say the wrong things), there's probably five within a two-mile radius.
Now, many people don't see a problem with using the incorrect names, but let me tell you this, it does get annoying, fast. I correct many of whom who use the lingo by saying "Small, Medium or Large?" hoping that it will sink in and dawn upon them that we are not Starbucks. There is a regular customer, "Donald Douche" as I call him, who does not understand that we are not Starbucks and thusly we do not have those sizes.
Quite some time ago, there were a few bitchy ladies that entered the store. They were rude, ugly, and complained that our coffeehouse was not a Starbucks yet, solely because we were owned by Starbucks.
Let's set the record straight. Starbucks will more than likely never switch most of the coffeehouses they've purchases, because Starbucks is economically wise. They are a monopoly. [1] They want to earn as much capital as possible. They maximized their profits by purchasing Seattle's Best, and multiple coffeehouses, and they plan on keeping those cafes the same. By removing the hundreds of cafes they've purchased, they will lose the valued customers who enjoy the different quality and taste that is not Starbucks. Some people hate Starbucks' taste, some love it.
Either way, I still don't give a shit, I don't drink coffee.
- - - - - - - - - -
1. In Economic terminology, this is not true. There are plenty of small coffee houses across the world. I chose to say that Starbucks is a monopoly because if you look around and try to find large coffee houses, you rarely see many. Starbucks is huge, let's put it as that.
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