#16. Tips

First, it doesn't belong to you. Secondly, you have no right to stick your damn hand inside. So, if you think it's "alright" to even take a penny out of it, I'll do horrible things to you. And your hand.

I'm talking about the tip jar, of course. It is not alright to take any money from the jar. It is money that the baristas earned by doing you a favor, by making your dumb ass drink. Here's how it works out.

Step One: Customer orders drink.
Step Two: Barista makes drink.
Step Three: Customer tips barista on fantastic service.
Step Four: You keep your hand out of tip jar.

Capiche?

I've seen it before, and I don't doubt you've never thought about taking a few cents from the jar. I suggest not doing it, because you will in return receive a glare that would make Satan shudder. This is what I suggest: do not contemplate taking out any extra change if you don't have enough for your drink. Too bad if you don't, you don't get a drink. I've seen a woman remove more than a dollar because she did not have enough money on her. Needless to say I did not accept the cash since it was my own money in that jar. She asked why, and I told her she was a dumbass for taking my tips.

If you want to keep your hands, don't reach towards the tip jar unless dropping change inside.
Posted by Austen on Sunday, November 25, 2007 at 9:12 AM